She's also one of the nicest people I know. She volunteers to help others, spends quality time building relationships with her children, and looking for ways to influence others in positive ways.
Not too long ago she started working out. Zumba, Pilates, Turbo Kick, hitting the YMCA etc. She's still gorgeous, but now she's gorgeous and missing a hundred pounds. Of course, I told her she looks amazing, because, HELLO, she does! She responded, "I've always looked amazing, but I know what you mean. Thanks."
I internally cringed when I read that. Some how, I think, I'd managed to step into the metaphoric crap.
In a society so consumed by physical appearance, how is a person supposed to congratulate someone on an amazing accomplishment like losing a hundred pounds, without sounding like it's a backhanded compliment?
By saying I thought she looked amazing, did it sound like I didn't think she did before? That I had thought she needed to change her appearance?
Looks shouldn't be everything. Being skinny, with nice skin doesn't necessarily mean you're going to be a beautiful person. In fact, I've known plenty of people who would be considered beautiful, because of their outward appearance.
They were some of the ugliest people I've ever known.
Inside where true beauty really is, they were empty. There was no love, or caring--just selfishness and hate.
It sucks to feel like giving a compliment will be in poor taste, but wouldn't it be worse to ignore the hard work someone has put in? I know she's proud of her accomplishments, and she should be. I also know her main focus wasn't getting skinny for skinny's sake, but for getting more active and healthy both inside and out.
The same reasons I workout several times a week, don't eat fried foods, drink tons of water, and keep positive thoughts at the forefront of everything I do.
What are your experiences with saying 'You look amazing' or something similar? Did the person take it as the compliment it was intended as, or did they take it as something worse? I'd love to hear about it.
Remember, as long as you're healthy, happy and caring, your true beauty is already apparent to the world. The outside is just wrapping.
R.S.
