On Saying, "You Look Amazing".

My sister-in-law has always been beautiful. Both inside and out. She's got a beautiful skin tone that speaks of ancestors not as pasty as my own. When I first met her, shortly after I started dating the Marine, I thought she would have fit in as some type of Eskimo Princess (forget for a moment I have no idea about Eskimos or whether they have Princesses). She's got long black hair that is so thick and shiny it would make Barbie jealous. I know at times it makes me jealous, and I'm a redhead. 

She's also one of the nicest people I know. She volunteers to help others, spends quality  time building relationships with her children, and looking for ways to influence others in positive ways.

Not too long ago she started working out. Zumba, Pilates, Turbo Kick, hitting the YMCA etc. She's still gorgeous,  but now she's gorgeous and missing a hundred pounds. Of course, I told her she looks amazing, because, HELLO, she does! She responded, "I've always looked amazing, but I know what you mean. Thanks."

I internally cringed when I read that. Some how, I think, I'd managed to step into the metaphoric crap. 

In a society so consumed by physical appearance, how is a person supposed to congratulate someone on an amazing accomplishment like losing a hundred pounds, without sounding like it's a backhanded compliment? 

By saying I thought she looked amazing, did it sound like I didn't think she did before? That I had thought she needed to change her appearance? 

Looks shouldn't be everything. Being skinny, with nice skin doesn't necessarily mean you're going to be a beautiful person. In fact, I've known plenty of people who would be considered beautiful, because of their outward appearance. 

They were some of the ugliest people I've ever known. 

Inside where true beauty really is, they were empty. There was no love, or caring--just selfishness and hate. 

It sucks to feel like giving a compliment will be in poor taste, but wouldn't it be worse to ignore the hard work someone has put in? I know she's proud of her accomplishments, and she should be. I also know her main focus wasn't getting skinny for skinny's sake, but for getting more active and healthy both inside and out. 

The same reasons I workout several times a week, don't eat fried foods, drink tons of water, and keep positive thoughts at the forefront of everything I do. 

What are your experiences with saying 'You look amazing' or something similar? Did the person take it as the compliment it was intended as, or did they take it as something worse? I'd love to hear about it.

Remember, as long as you're healthy, happy and caring, your true beauty is already apparent to the world. The outside is just wrapping.

R.S.

On Battling the Bulge

Now this is dedication. I typed this entire blog on my phone. :) Whoa! Talk about thumb cramps! Anyway, onward with the blog!






While in High School I maintained a steady weight of 140 pounds. This wasn't a point of pride, or really even a concern for me. I just didn't think about it. At all.

I'd never had a tight flat stomach like so many of the girls. Mine had always rounded just a little at the bottom-- which for some reason I don't understand, many guys find sexy, my husband leading that race.

Not horrible by healthy standards, but I definitely didn't seem to have the body of a teenager.

Several years later, after my first pregnancy, that ended in the birth of an Angel no longer with us, I hit my lowest weight since puberty.

125 pounds.

This weight probably had more to do with what I wasn't eating, and what I was drinking--heavily and often-- than it did with any sort of weightloss plan or exercise regimen.

That however, is a story for a much later time.

After the birth of my daughter in October 2007, I weighed 135 pounds, a point of happiness for me considering my previously fluctuating weight.

Who knew being recently married, never seeing your new husband, and living in Hawaii almost completely alone could cause weight gain?

I know now...and so do you, kind reader.

Ah, I digress...

Six wonderful weeks after having my daughter, and enjoying the lowest weight I'd been since meeting my husband, I went on birth control--and promptly started packing on weight like I was a whale prepping for a cold spell.

I did everything I could to lose the weight.
The more I dieted, and the more I worked out, the more weight I gained.

When I hit 166 pounds on a 5'5" body, I knew something needed to change.

The birth control went away, I started drinking  Slim Fast shakes and watching my calorie intake. From October 2009 to December of that same year, I lost thirty pounds, and kept it off.

Unfortunately, happiness is seldom long lasting or guaranteed. Though I didn't gain anymore weight, I realized I wasn't where I wanted to be--physically or mentally.

My husband deployed in October of 2010, and while he was gone I used the pent up frustration to fuel my body shaping needs.

I worked out everyday, and still watched my calories-- a habit I've found is incredibly hard to break once you get into it. When he returned seven months later, I weighed the lowest my body can weigh and remain healthy. The look on his face when he saw me was priceless... and it didn't hurt that some of his first words after, "I love you," were "you're so tiny, I'm afraid to break you."

Since his return my weight has fluctuated between 128 and 134. By no means am I fat, but sometimes there is an eating disorder just lurking about waiting to hit me. It's a horrible feeling, and a scary realization.

Right now, my niece and I are doing P90X, not because we need to lose weight, but because we want to tone up.

We just finished our third week, and we are noticing changes in our arms, legs, and our butts.

Yes, for those who have known me my whole life, I am finally getting a butt. I can hear your gasps through the internet...my hearing is that good.

There is still quite a few long, hard, workout intense weeks ahead, and I'm sure there will be other noticeable results, or at least there better be dammit.

The thing is, physical fitness and being happy with yourself are not mutually exclusive, and not a one shot deal.
As a person gets older, their bodies change, and things start shifting and bulging.

It's life. It's natural, and it sucks.

You have to do what is right for your lifestyle, what is best for you, both mentally and physically.

Overall, be happy with yourself.

Don't be concerned (like I am) with every minor weight fluctuation.

Don't worry that you're not as skinny as actress XXX. Chances are she just came out of rehab for another eating disorder. 

Speak to a doctor, and do what is safe and healthy for your body.

Trust me when I say, it doesn't matter how skinny you are, what size pants you wear, or how much you weigh-- if your body gives out from a lack of proper nutrition.

That is, unless you're trying to be the sexiest corpse around.


What has your weightloss journey been like? What worked for you? What didn't?


R.S.