Tuesday, August 9, 2011

On Battling the Bulge

Now this is dedication. I typed this entire blog on my phone. :) Whoa! Talk about thumb cramps! Anyway, onward with the blog!

While in High School I maintained a steady weight of 140 pounds. This wasn't a point of pride, or really even a concern for me. I just didn't think about it. At all.

I'd never had a tight flat stomach like so many of the girls. Mine had always rounded just a little at the bottom-- which for some reason I don't understand, many guys find sexy, my husband leading that race.

Not horrible by healthy standards, but I definitely didn't seem to have the body of a teenager.

Several years later, after my first pregnancy, that ended in the birth of an Angel no longer with us, I hit my lowest weight since puberty.

125 pounds.

This weight probably had more to do with what I wasn't eating, and what I was drinking--heavily and often-- than it did with any sort of weightloss plan or exercise regimen.

That however, is a story for a much later time.

After the birth of my daughter in October 2007, I weighed 135 pounds, a point of happiness for me considering my previously fluctuating weight.

Who knew being recently married, never seeing your new husband, and living in Hawaii almost completely alone could cause weight gain?

I know now...and so do you, kind reader.

Ah, I digress...

Six wonderful weeks after having my daughter, and enjoying the lowest weight I'd been since meeting my husband, I went on birth control--and promptly started packing on weight like I was a whale prepping for a cold spell.

I did everything I could to lose the weight.
The more I dieted, and the more I worked out, the more weight I gained.

When I hit 166 pounds on a 5'5" body, I knew something needed to change.

The birth control went away, I started drinking  Slim Fast shakes and watching my calorie intake. From October 2009 to December of that same year, I lost thirty pounds, and kept it off.

Unfortunately, happiness is seldom long lasting or guaranteed. Though I didn't gain anymore weight, I realized I wasn't where I wanted to be--physically or mentally.

My husband deployed in October of 2010, and while he was gone I used the pent up frustration to fuel my body shaping needs.

I worked out everyday, and still watched my calories-- a habit I've found is incredibly hard to break once you get into it. When he returned seven months later, I weighed the lowest my body can weigh and remain healthy. The look on his face when he saw me was priceless... and it didn't hurt that some of his first words after, "I love you," were "you're so tiny, I'm afraid to break you."

Since his return my weight has fluctuated between 128 and 134. By no means am I fat, but sometimes there is an eating disorder just lurking about waiting to hit me. It's a horrible feeling, and a scary realization.

Right now, my niece and I are doing P90X, not because we need to lose weight, but because we want to tone up.

We just finished our third week, and we are noticing changes in our arms, legs, and our butts.

Yes, for those who have known me my whole life, I am finally getting a butt. I can hear your gasps through the internet...my hearing is that good.

There is still quite a few long, hard, workout intense weeks ahead, and I'm sure there will be other noticeable results, or at least there better be dammit.

The thing is, physical fitness and being happy with yourself are not mutually exclusive, and not a one shot deal.
As a person gets older, their bodies change, and things start shifting and bulging.

It's life. It's natural, and it sucks.

You have to do what is right for your lifestyle, what is best for you, both mentally and physically.

Overall, be happy with yourself.

Don't be concerned (like I am) with every minor weight fluctuation.

Don't worry that you're not as skinny as actress XXX. Chances are she just came out of rehab for another eating disorder. 

Speak to a doctor, and do what is safe and healthy for your body.

Trust me when I say, it doesn't matter how skinny you are, what size pants you wear, or how much you weigh-- if your body gives out from a lack of proper nutrition.

That is, unless you're trying to be the sexiest corpse around.

What has your weightloss journey been like? What worked for you? What didn't?



  1. Great post. Thanks for sharing your story. Being happy with yourself is so hard. Loves!

  2. Seven-Echo ActualTuesday, August 09, 2011

    My battle with the bulge really isnt with myself, it's with what the military thinks I should be. I run and workout, but I also like good food, which we know is bad for you. So, I can pass the physical standards portion, but I have to maintain what they believe to be "healthy" weight or body fat... Up to them, but ridiculous.

    I think you have to find that balance between what your body is and where your mind wants it to be.

  3. Nice post. It's encouraging to know that there are others "out there" suffering with the same issues as I do--only I'm doing it on a 5'0" frame. It's so frustrating, trying to be happy with yourself physically as well as mentally. I think I'm on my way though. I recently signed our family up at our local YMCA and I've been doing Turbo Jam at home. Yesterday I did BOTH and I feel really good about that!

  4. Man R.S. I can so relate.

    As a young man I was a model and kept in shape with minor effort. Even in my thirties I was in great shape. But then IT happened. I put on a few and then a few more. It took more effort and watching what I ate to keep up with my former self.

    Then when I was thirty-eight, my business failed from the economy and I took up writing. Well writing was a saving grace, but it became in obsession. In two years I put on sixty pounds! I freaked of course and needed to take back my life.

    This past spring I escaped the Chicago winter and house sat for a friend in Florida from February through to the beginning of May. I changed my eating habits completely. Cut out sugar, starches, carbs, etc. Then I began power-walking on the beach.

    I continued to write but I made sure I gave equal time to working out. Well I am happy to say that I am now 55 pounds thinner only fifteen pounds from my model weight. I feel terrific and have tons of energy again. Who says you can't change your life at forty?

    I am actually doing a weekly post on my blog on how to keep fit as a writer if you'd like to pop by.

    Congrats on your success and go luck. I am also temped to order P-90. You'll have to let me know how it's worked for you.