On: Saying Goodbye

On Tuesday one of my closest friends checked into a new duty station. The Marines did this to prep him for his upcoming year long deployment to the Middle East. You would think, being married to the Marine, I would be used to this, but honestly, you never get used to it.

I've known my friend, the Captain, for a long time. Almost as long as I've been with the Marine. Our friendship has withstood living on different coasts and in different countries. In fact the last four months have been the only time, aside from when we first met, that we've even been in the same state.

It's funny how you can start relying on a person in a different way when they live down the street from you, and not a world away. His moving away, while not any different than the previous years of friendship, is harder this time. He won't be joining the Marine and I for late night Wii games, where we find out we're only smarter than a fifth grader when we work together. He won't be around for the Munchkin to chase and make funny faces at. In fact, not too long from now, he won't be just a text message away.

That's okay though, he's doing what he's supposed to do. What's he's meant to do, and I couldn't be more proud of him. This is who he is, and I wouldn't change that for anything.

Doesn't mean saying goodbye was easy, or that I won't miss him. I always will, because that's what being a friend often entails.

Have you ever had to say goodbye to a friend? I'd love to know your story.

R.S.

On Recreating Myself. Again.

It's been almost two months since Boy Wonder was born, and during that time I've enjoyed the snuggles, grins, and warmth that comes from his little body while he sleeps in my arms. I've enjoyed watching him grow and change, and seeing the expressions on his face as he becomes more aware of the world around him.

 What I haven't enjoyed is feeling like I've lost myself somewhere. I'm not the same person I was when the Munchkin was born. At that time, my life was completely different than it is now. I hadn't started school yet (that happened when she was three months old), and I wasn't actively writing, blogging, or doing anything particularly crafty or time consuming.

 My world revolved around my daughter and keeping the house clean. Occasionally we would run errands or go hangout at a friend's house, but mostly we would spend time snuggled on the couch, or playing on the floor. No matter what it was, I wasn't stressed out. I didn't worry about some huge thing looming over my head, and because of this, I felt like I had the parenting thing down.

Things aren't quite so simple anymore. Even though I realize a lot of the issues I'm having currently, are of my own making, I seem helpless to walk away from them. I've got the self-imposed deadlines looming over me. Things that really aren't set in stone, that I feel like I'm falling behind on. It makes no sense, while at the same time making too much sense.

I've got homework for a class I can't drop, and I know that no matter what I'll make it through it, but still I stress about every second of the day. There are other things that could go by the wayside, and not doing them won't matter a bit in a day, a week, or a year, but they hang over me like a dark cloud. I just want to enjoy the time I have with my son before he grows up and these days are gone.

I need to find peace with myself.

 I've been told that each child changes you, that with each new life you create, they recreate you into a different (and hopefully) better version of yourself. I firmly believe this. The person I became after the birth of the Munchkin was one I was proud of. I know, given time and patience, the person my son will create out of the stressed out ashes of my previous self, will be awesome.

Until then, I need to focus on what is really important. Spending time with my children. Taking a few moments to put away what I've incorrectly decided was important, for what is truly important. Whether that is reading a book with the Munchkin or dancing around the living room with her; feeding Boy Wonder (who seems to be a bottomless pit just like the Marine), or comforting him while he screams in my ear and shakes his little fists angrily.

The creating of art for myself and to sell, can take a backseat until a time when my children need me just a little less. The writing of the hundreds of books running through my head, can wait until Boy Wonder doesn't need to eat every two hours, and the Munchkin doesn't want to show me what new dance step she just created when she was supposed to be brushing her teeth.

It's time to sit back and let the re-creating begin, without the fight I've been giving it, because in my heart I know it's time for that change, I'm just having a hard time letting go of the old me for an uncertain future with a new me.

Have you ever had experiences like this? I really would love to know your stories.

R.S.

On: Days Off

Today, the Munchkin has off from school. Something about it being a teacher day. I don't really know. I do know, that she seems to have these free days every month.

Maybe it's just me, but I never had this many days off from school growing up.
So, instead of staying home today with her climbing off the walls, we are making a trip to Palm Springs to pick up things for the Belly Munchkin's arrival.

I've decided this time around two things: 1) Children don't need as much as a new mother might think, and 2) I'm making as much of the stuff that is needed, by hand. Since I'm teaching myself to sew, this is both fun and a challenge.

What do you do on days when your children have off from school?

R.S.

On: My Anniversary

February 5th marked eight years since the Marine and I tied the knot. Of those eight years, we were together to celebrate our anniversary only twice. Including this year. Being married to a Marine makes for some lonely holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries, but you know what else it does? It makes you appreciate those rare moments you're actually together.

This year, the Marine and I went to a Japanese steakhouse (where I actually used chopsticks to eat the entire meal!) to celebrate the momentous occasion--you know having made it through eight years without blood shed--and had an amazing and wonderful time. Aside from the crazy traffic, and my uncanny ability to hit every red light between here and there. It was nice to spend time with my husband, without worrying about entertaining the Munchkin the entire time. I can also admit, it was the first time in forever I've gotten a chance to dress up. I even wore a pair of strappy heels.

Spending my anniversary with the father of my children was made all the more amazing by the kindness of strangers. We shared our table with an older couple who came to the U.S. before the Korean War. The gentleman served in the Royal Air Force, and then again served in our military as well. They had wonderful stories about their lives and their children. At the end of the meal, they did something we weren't expecting, and had nothing to do with our anniversary, but everything to do with the Marine's service to our country. They bought us dinner.

I'm not even ashamed to say I choked up.

It was a wonderful night, and I won't ever forget the kindness of strangers who shared a common bond. Military service and patriotism.

What is your favorite anniversary memory?

R.S.

On: Baby News

So, the Marine and I found out we are going to be the proud parents of a baby boy come June. The Munchkin is excited to welcome her brother, and is looking forward to being a big sister.

Now to just get through the next few months.

What things are you looking forward to in the coming months?

R.S.

On Kindergarten is Tough.

On Monday, the Munchkin started Kindergarten.

I had no problem when she went to Preschool, and didn't even have much of a problem with the idea of dropping her off at the public school for her first day of Kindergarten.

Then the first day came.

The public school is nothing like her private preschool, and I suddenly want to rob a bank to afford to send her back to private school.

The level of connection is non-existent at her public school, the teacher is standoffish and gruff (not to mention NOTHING like the teachers I had in elementary school).

 I have fond memories of the first six years of school. What if the Munchkin doesn't?

The upside, after a questionable start to the week, the Munchkin seems to be adjusting to her new daily schedule.

And passing out everyday when she comes home.

Kindergarten is Tough!

R.S.

What are your experiences with sending your little ones to school? Private or Public?

On 'Skinny-Fat'

The other day I heard the term 'Skinny-Fat', and my understanding of it from verbal and visual cues, was not flattering.

Now, take a second to read the Urban Dictionary's definitions here.

You're back?

Good.

In a society where we're so consumed with the battle of which is better, 'thick or thin', it is demoralizing to realize even being 'thin' isn't quite good enough for those people who think anorexia is a perfectly good fitness routine.

I've had a pretty strict workout routine for the last two years, that has involved P90x, kickboxing, Zumba, and most recently, yoga and running. Because of this, I've got well toned arms and legs, and to my happiness- a butt is finally forming. However, I'm thirty years old and have a child who was damn near two feet long when she was born. I've never been fat, and I'm nowhere near it now, but based off this I could be viewed as 'skinny-fat', because my stomach isn't as toned and flat as someone younger or more athletic, though it's better than it ever has been. It never will be as flat as Miranda Kerr's, and that is something I've accepted.

If this has affected me this way, I can imagine how it would affect other women. Especially one who isn't as self-confident as I usually am. Is there no end to the emotional depravity men and woman will foist on each other when it comes to fitness and size?

It makes me very, very happy I am not out in the dating game. With knowledge like this, I'd probably never leave my house. It was bad enough ten years ago--a time before social networking had such a huge impact on our everyday lives. Before Twitter was king, and youtube could make you famous. Now it's amazing anyone actually dates, because surely nobody can match up to the unusually high standards even the lowest pond scum, drunken twenty-one year old seems to have.

Knowing all this, I couldn't be more grateful the Marine never acted like this, and actually treated women with respect--even though it made life with his co-workers more difficult.

What are your thoughts?

R.S.

On Musical Memories

I've finally got a chance to sit at my computer for a few minutes and write a blog. It's been an insanely busy week, and I've fallen behind.

Again.

It's a constant battle.

Anyway, today's topic comes from the book I mentioned here.

Songs can invoke incredibly vivid memories like specific sights or sounds. I thought about writing about a song that reminds me of my seventh grade year, but instead I'd rather focus on my present rather than my past.

The day I decided to start running I'd just dropped the Munchkin off at school and the Niece off at work. Rascal Flatts was playing on the player, because the Munchkin has decided her favorite song is 'Broken Road'.

The sun was shining, the roads practically empty while I waited at the world's longest stoplight. I admit that I tend to zone out, maybe take a mental nap while I wait for the lights out here to change. Especially the ones that make me wait for fifteen minutes when there isn't another car in sight for miles.

When the light changed my mind engaged again, and the first words that registered were these:

"Today is the first day of the rest of my life."

I turned up the music, rolled down the window and listened to the song that has now become 'my song'. It's the song that runs through my head every day. Every time I feel like sitting on the couch instead of going for that run, I remember the words that touch my soul.

When you get a chance you should listen to "When the Sand Runs Out" by Rascal Flatts. You can find it on YouTube, though you'll have to deal with less than Official videos.

I'm making myself a better person, I'm changing from the inside out every day. I don't know about you, but I want to be running when the sand runs out.

What song hits you today? I'd love to hear.

R.S.

On Valentine's Day

In general I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day. Even after I was married it never really warmed my heart. After all, aren't we supposed to show how much we love someone EVERY day of the year? It also doesn't help that the last few years, even though I'm married, I've been alone.

Don't people get married so they're NOT alone?

Apparently not.

At least I knew going into my marriage this was the way it would be, and I don't hold it against the Marine. He's doing his job, defending our country--even those people who would rather spit in the face of our military than accept them as human beings.

I love my husband for that, and there's a reason why I'm not in the service. I'm not as understanding of society's flaws.

Good thing he loves me in spite of my flaws.

Today, while my husband is somewhere NOT with me, I will share my love with the Munchkin and the Niece, just like I do every day.

I hope whether you celebrate Valentine's Day or not, you're having an amazing day.

Kiss your loved ones, eat some chocolate, and remember that even if you're single--you're not alone.

What do you think about Valentine's Day? Important or contrived?

I'd love to hear from you.

R.S.

On Insert Witty Title Here...

You know it's going to be one of those posts when I can't even think of a title.

I'm feeling jumbled today. Horribly jumbled in my head.

I've got a million things I need/want to do, and yet, I'm sitting here--for the most part--staring at the screen. There might have been drool involved a few times.

In the non-writing world--the day job world, the world where I'm also a mother of Wonder Woman proportions--I've got a ton on my plate. I've got to find out about all the legalities for the current venture I'm working on. I've got a ton of beautiful jewelry to make, photos to take, and like I said--legalities to learn and understand. Not to mention give as much time as possible to my little girl.

In the writing world I'm nose deep in editing a short, prepping to begin edits on a novel, and about half way through the current WIP novel.

I need to learn time management.

Something I used to be really good about.

Until the Marine left for deployment again.

This deployment seems much more difficult than any of the previous deployments. It could be that because for the second year in a row he's missing our anniversary (in two days), as well as all the milestones the Munchkin is making.

I'd really like to share them with him, without having to take a picture, video, or send an email.

I'd really like to sleep.

What do you do when you feel jumbled inside?

R.S.

On My 2011 Year in Review

Have you ever sat at your computer, or desk with a pad of paper and a pen intent on writing a list of what you've done during the year--only to draw a complete blank? 

Do you see me jumping around waving my hand? Oh yeah, complete brain dump, right here.

I know I've done stuff. 

Probably a lot of 'stuff'. I just can't remember it. 

At least not without help. 

I asked my best friend what I've done this year, she is after all my best friend so she'd have a pretty good idea, right?

Her response: "Worked your ass off."

As true as that is, it wasn't much help. 

She wrote this blog the other day, and I was so impressed with it I wanted to write one myself. 

2011

• Completed P90X
• Got a new tattoo
• Completed two novels
• Started a third
• Completed a short story
• Wrote several pieces of Flash Fiction
• Completed six college classes
• Changed my major
• Welcomed the Marine home from Afghanistan
• Said goodbye to the Marine when he deployed... Again.
• Added the Niece to our home--for a permanent stay.
• Turned 30
• Went to the Living Desert and rode a Camel with the Munchkin.
• Made friends and lost friends who weren't really friends.
• Experienced the Munchkin in her first dance class
• Watched the Munchkin in her first Christmas program
• Found out I had allergies...bad allergies.
• Saw the Lt Dan Band in concert and met Gary Sinise 
• Went to San Diego with my best friend.
• Started doing Zumba
• Started doing Yoga
• Went to Universal Studios, Knotts Berry Farm and Calico Ghost Town.
• Rode on a tram
• Discovered twitter (yes, I'm slow, but you can follow me @rsemeline)

I'm sure there is probably more, but that will have to be enough. 2012 is going to be insane. Really insane. Not to mention great. 

2012 is going to be great.

What did you do in 2011?

R.S. 

On Preparing for the Holidays

It seems like I've been baking since November. 

Oh, that's right. I have been.

It's called the preparing for the holidays. Something I feel like I've fallen behind on.

Who decided it was a good idea to have two holidays filled with baking, so close together? They sure didn't discuss it with me. I'd have offered June as a good month for one of them.

This is the first year I've gotten into the Spirit in years. It's a nice feeling. We're actually trying to create family customs and memories (even though the Marine isn't here to participate). 

That would explain the lack of writing I've managed to accomplish. 

Oh well, the writing will be there later, right? The Munchkin won't be this young forever, and I don't want to miss out on making Applesauce and cinnamon ornaments with her while she still likes me. 

I'm off to continue the baking. It's a never ending process, I tell ya.

I hope this week has found you happy, joyful, and in the Spirit of giving. 

May your Christmas be Merry and filled with all the love and excitement you could want. 

Season's Greetings,

R.S.

On Nanowri...No?

On the first of November I decided to throw my writing hat into the ring of Nanowrimo. This was all well and good, but for a few minor problems.

1. I was scheduled to take an accelerated class throughout the month, and by accelerated I mean cramming an entire semester or quarter or term (depending on the schedule structure of most colleges) into a four week period. This includes writing multiple essays, a research paper, four assignments that included approximately one hundred and four question and equaled around fifty-two pages, and three tests. This doesn't include the nearly five hundred pages I had to read during those four short weeks. *twitch twitch*

2. Thanksgiving. This was the first year I've actually been responsible for an all out Turkey Day meal. Plus, my best friend flew in for the dinner so between writing and spending time with her--I chose her. Okay, her and the firemen and paramedics we took food to. 

3. The Marine was on leave, because he's preparing to deploy. Again. He's going to be gone a long time and miss a lot of things during the next...long time. The Munchkin, Niece, and I wanted to spend as much time with him as we could. After doing homework there wasn't much time left.

Needless to say, I did great for the first twenty days of Nanowrimo. Things started to go down hill on the twenty-first day. My brain was no longer focusing, I was getting surly and snarly at everyone, and I was stressing myself out because as much as I'd like to be some kind of super hero--I'm not. I'm just an average woman who needed to spend time with her loved ones and relax after one of the most grueling classes I've been in.

I made a conscious decision on the twenty-first day of November. Nanowrimo was going to have to try again next year. It just wasn't important enough for me. I made my choices, and decided what was most important to me. This year it wasn't Nano. 

This doesn't mean I didn't write. I did. I also tossed around a few other ideas for stories and articles I'd like to publish. Do I respect those people who stuck it out and succeeded in conquering the beast known as National Novel Writing Month? 

Yes.

Do I especially respect the novelist who managed to beat the beast by writing 50k in two weeks?

Hell yes, I tip my writing hat to you, oh great one.

Do I respect myself for the decision?

Most definitely. Though some people might consider it quitting, or losing. I consider it a move done out of intelligence and respect--not only for myself and my family, but out of respect for the characters I'm so lovingly writing about. They deserve better than my stressed out writings. They deserve my passion and focus. 

So, on this last day of November, my official final word count for Nanowrimo is: 30,184.

Though, if I counted the eight page research paper, the fifty-one pages of questions, and the occasional blogs I'm sure I wrote more than the 50k. 

It's all in how you look at it. 

R.S.

On Music in Our Family

Music has always been a huge part of my life.

It's rare that I'll go an entire day without listening to some form of it.

My ring tones are songs.

I randomly burst into made up songs-- like a bad  horrible amazing musical.

Eat your heart out, Disney.

I listen to music when I share, when I workout, and when I do my hair.

My phone has hundreds of songs on it.

I have an ipod for the car filled with hundreds of songs, and an ipod for when I want to tune the world out.

If none of the music I have fits my mood, I'll go to grooveshark.com and listen to streaming music there.

Sometimes, like when I was pregnant with the Munchkin, I'd watch CMT and GAC--just to hear the music.

Itunes is my Kryptonite.

I'd go as far as to say it's E-V-I-L.

All those songs at my fingertips, just begging me to download them.

*Sigh*

The Niece and I will dance around the house to anything that catches our fancy, and we'll laugh and giggle like loons as the Munchkin mimics us.

It's a happy feeling.

Music has started showing itself in another way in our home.

The Munchkin will randomly break into her own songs, and she'll sing them anytime, any place.

Her favorite venue seems to be the dinner table, but she seems to enjoy the potty equally well.

Maybe it has to do with the acoustics in the bathroom?

Recently, the Munchkin and the Marine had an impromptu jam session in our living room.

Mary Had a Little Lamb seemed to be the favorite.

Some days, I really love my life.


R.S.

On the Munchkin Growing Up

Every day I am amazed by the things my daughter knows and does. Seeing her spell her first name-- which I admit is really long for a little kid to spell, and her last name makes me smile.

Knowing she can spell words like cat, dog, and hat also brings a grin to my face.

She isn't going to be my little girl much longer.

This makes me both happy and sad.

What a vicious circle.

I wouldn't change a thing.


R.S.

On Borrowing From Your Children

Maybe it was the way I was raised-- though I don't remember seeing any awards for parent of the year on shelves in the house while growing up, but I have the strange belief that parents are supposed to protect, educated, guide, and help their children.

Not the other way around. 

In our home, and even in the home I grew up in, the parents NEVER borrowed from the children. It just wasn't done. 

For instance, there were times while growing up that money was undoubtedly tight, but my parents NEVER came to us and said, 'gee, could we bum a couple of bucks--just until payday?' In my house, the Marine and I would never dream of going to the Munchkin and borrowing money from her.

Granted, she's not yet four, but she's got a college savings plan and a savings account that has more money in it than most Marines, and they're supposed to be adults. 

Have there been times where access to a couple of grand would have been nice? Could we have used it and then replaced it later? 

Sure.

If we weren't who we are.

That money is our daughter's. Not ours.

Every year the money we get from the child income tax credit goes straight into her college fund. We do not touch it.

Ever.

The way we see it is, without her we wouldn't have that money so it should go to her. She's in theory earned it for putting up with us for a year. 

Not everyone agrees with me on this.

I won't steal borrow money from my child's future just because I didn't plan well enough for myself. The Marine and I decided that long before we ever had children. 

We might not be perfect people, or perfect parents, but our daughter will have opportunities our families didn't give to us.

If nothing else, the Munchkin will be able to say, "my parents never did THAT." 

It's something, right?

Do you have any experiences with this? What are your thoughts?

R.S. 

  

On Knowing Names

The other day I picked the Munchkin up from school, and one of her teachers came up to speak to me. It turns out that my daughter gave them a reason to smile that day.

In class they wanted to know how many of the students knew what their mothers' and fathers' names were. 

Apparently the Munchkin had no problem telling her teachers what my name was, but when it came to telling them what her Papa's name was she said, with authority, "My Papa's name is, 'Honey'."

Looks like I don't use the Marine's name very often at home. 

Oops. 

Regardless, the teachers thought it was cute, and I have to admit so did I. When I told the Marine about it, he rolled his eyes and said, "Thanks, Babe."

Awww, gotta love what comes out of the mouth of toddlers. 

Do you have a story like this? Something your child or a child you know has said or done that made you smile? I'd love to hear it.

R.S.

On Weekend Fun with Family

This weekend was spent hanging out with my family.

The Marine was home, the Niece worked shorter hours, and the Munchkin was surrounded by love.

Friday night, after a quickly prepared meal, we got the Munchkin ready for bed, did the story thing, and sent the menfolk out to get fixings for smores.

Since we live in an area with an almost continual burn ban, and we don't own a fire pit on legs (though I've thought on more than one occasion to acquire one) we made our melty, marshmallow and chocolaty goodness in the microwave.

It's a rarely known science.

An art, if you will.

We sat around the kitchen table, chatted, laughed, and relaxed while inhaling our weight in sugar.

It was the most fun I've had in a long time, and I'm so glad I got to share it with people who are important to not only myself, but to my daughter.

Here is to many more nights of sugary bonding, and to family--not only of blood, but of the heart as well.


How has your weekend been? Did you do anything fun and exciting--like sky diving, or did you sit home and relax with loved ones?

R.S.

On Like Mother Like Daughter

Recently while on the way to pick up the Niece, the Munchkin and I came to a stop sign and prepared to make a right hand turn.

Two women, each about 400 pounds and neither standing taller than 5'2 took their rights as pedestrians for granted and mosseyed across my vehicles path at a leisurely pace-- in fact, I'm pretty sure I saw a snail speed past them.

My daughter looked at them, then glanced at me before looking back to them and saying, "haven't you ever heard of sidewalks, people?"

I swear, I don't know where she gets it from.

Really.

On Being Strong

Some days I don't feel strong.

I feel weak, like a stiff breeze will knock me over.

This isn't a physical weakness, though compared to the Marine there's no doubt my body is weak in comparison.
It's a mental and emotional weakness, and it surprises me when others don't see it in me. When they think I'm stronger than I see myself.

By no means am I a D.I.D. -- a damsel in distress, but I see myself differently than those who rely on me.

The Marine sees me as strong and capable of running the house, caring for our daughter, getting through college with a high gpa, and making sure our life runs smoothly whether he is home or in some random 'stan country.

The Munchkin sees me as strong because I fix her broken toys, read her stories, make the upset tummy monsters go away, and love her no matter what.

The Niece sees me as strong because I respect her, live my life relatively happily in my skin, and don't fall especially prey to the guilt guns our family often mans with shockingly good aim.

My friends say I'm strong, but really what do they see?

Everyone who knows and loves me believes I'm strong, but what they see is usually just a mask.

Yes, I can survive by myself, provide for myself and my daughter. I'm comfortable alone, and don't need approval.

I make it through months without seeing the Marine, and life continues, but sometimes when the world gets too dark, responsibilities weigh me down, and I'm scraping the bottom of my emotional barrel...

It would be nice if there was someone there to hold out their arms, offer a shoulder, or just say, "It's okay to cry. I won't think you're weak. Sometimes it takes strength to let go."

Because, I seem to keep forgetting that.


R.S.